Karr a Computer-Generated Hoax?

From the tired-and-sad-of-hearing-about-10-year-old-kicked-up-dirt-so-why- not-make-something-up department: Local C'ville resident Calin Cole made a startling discovery today, proclaiming his hunch at a noon press conference hosted by Channel 29 News: "John Karr is G-Man from Half-Life 2! Just look at him -- it's written all over that clammy, CG face." Indeed, the similarities are uncanny. CNN reports that DNA evidence "says Karr didn't kill JonBenet", evidence that further supports Cole's assertion Karr is in fact the product of an artist's rendering. When asked to comment, Cole stated, "Well, umm, G-Man doesn't have DNA. Duh!" Doug Wood, animator for G-Man, expressed happiness with G-Man in Half-Life 2's "sinister edge":

I wanted the player to never quite know what side the G-Man was on. I would have him express an apologetic look toward Freeman as he "regretted" to put Mr. Freeman in this situation, but then give a slight smirk or smile at the end to keep you guessing about his sincerity.

Wood declined requests for comments on the connection between G-Man and Karr, but reiterated G-Man's questionable sincerity. "It's G-Man I made sinister and creepy. G-Man!" When asked the suspected motive behind such a hoax, Cole shocked gathered reporters by revealing an industry secret kept under wraps by major news corporations. "The formula is simple!," he exclaimed, then turned to this schematic: But in the interest of not giving everything away, Cole refused to explain what could possibly be happening before the last arrow and what is really leading to profit. "The time element? I'm not sure. But I do know it's working. The media attention is huge and HL2 sales are up 40%." When asked what he planned to do with this information Cole concluded, "Nothing. I'm going to go help my guild pound a new dungeon in WoW." [Thanks to C. Cole for the schematic idea. Also, I'm not trying to make-light of Ramsey's murder. I am just blown away by Karr's striking resemblance to G-Man -- He looks more like G-Man than the fellow who was actually used as his model.]